Whining. So why do we all whine? Sure – there is not enough (we can fill in the blank here ourselves) or there is too much (again we can fill in the blank.) Or our spouse / partner…or our children…or our parents…or our boss or employees…etc. etc. etc. We must be getting something out of this, or we would not be doing it. Is it a guilty pleasure?

Whining is a way for us to communicate our frustration with something. I suspect that we do this to elicit some combination of responses from the listener including – sympathy, empathy, or even help in overcoming a challenge. If it works, we are reinforced to continue our whining.

For whoever is doing the listening, whining is often annoying. The listener may be thinking – enough already, or well – just do something about it to fix it. So – whining can drive away people we care about. Whining can also prevent us from dealing with fundamental issues.

The Gap. The frustration we have in the first place can be caused by “The Gap” – the difference between our expectations / goals and the reality of our situation.

Having a Gap is not necessarily a problem. In fact, it is an essential part of being human. A Gap will motivate us to do more and to be more.

But it is easy to become discouraged and frustrated. Even if the Gap motivates us to make progress, the Gap acts like the horizon. As we get closer to our goals, we change our expectations and the gap re-expands, just like the horizon that recedes as we walk or run towards it.

Responses to the Gap. The two most common responses to the Gap may not work. One is to lower our goals and expectations, to narrow the Gap. But if this takes the color out of our lives, it may not be worth the cost.

The other response is to change the situation – just “do it.” That can lead to the satisfaction of accomplishment but also the formation of a new gap, with its new frustrations. We all know very successful but unhappy people.

Gratitude. Gratitude, a profound sense of appreciation, may be the antidote. My own story of gratitude occurred during my recovery from a mild heart attack, now six years ago. People would ask me if I was depressed for having gone through it at a young age. But I knew that I had nearly died. I was extremely grateful to be alive. I now had some “extra” years to enjoy and contribute to my family and community.

I always tell the story of Gertie, a friend whom I met when she was in her late 80’s. Gertie was a widow who had everything wrong with her – a combination of cancer, heart disease, and severe breathing problems. It took her a really long time just to walk across a room. I am sure that she had a huge Gap between what she wanted to do and what she was able to do. Yet every time I saw her, Gertie was upbeat. She had frequent discussions with her late husband and with God. And she was always grateful that she could get across a room by herself.

A life worth living, of satisfaction and joy, is one where we carry out our mission, where we become what we really and truly should be. The Gap in our lives can help us to change, to transform ourselves into something better. It serves an extremely important function.

It takes an act of courage to try something new and make a change. We know that we will create a new Gap and possibly become frustrated. How can we live with and manage that Gap?

The answer may be our gratitude for what is working in our lives and for our progress. The gratitude that we have along the way can help transform our journey from frustration to joy.

For more information and books on these issues, check the internet for Dan Sullivan’s StrategicCoach.com, and FrankSanitate.com