I meet quarterly with all of my clients to talk about their values, goals, and financial and investment planning. This last quarter we focused on tools and strategies to build and improve the quality of interpersonal relationships. As I reflect on the substance of those client meetings, I have come to realize the importance of respect, especially in significant relationships.

The word respect has an interesting derivation – to look back or look again. Frequently we look but do not see. It is in that second glance when we look back and pay attention that we show respect.

To me respect is associated even more with listening. When we really listen to someone and hear what they have to say, we show respect.

For example, one morning when my wife Lucy Rose mentioned that there were a couple of issues troubling her, I dropped what I was doing, pulled up a chair and let her talk. We both knew that I would be at work later than I had intended, but this was important. My listening to her helped her feel better, regain confidence and move on. She definitely felt respected.

Contrast this with the messages we receive when “we get no respect.” When a workman is supposed to come between 8:00 am and noon and shows up at 2:30 or not at all, we are being told that our time – and maybe even we ourselves – are of little value. When we make a promise to a child and then forget about it, what message are we sending?

Sometimes we couple the word respect with “pay,” as in paying our respects. It costs us precious moments to focus on someone else.

Paying in the currency of time is not so different from paying in the currency of money. The investment of money can lead to financial fulfillment and security. The investment of time can lead to emotional fulfillment and security.

In both investment situations – time and money – we face the challenge of short-term vs. long-term needs. In our culture there is an emphasis on the short-term – spending money for immediate gratification and spending our time on urgent short-term issues. That would be just fine if we did not have long.

Because of the similarities between time and money we can get ideas about how to be successful in relationships from the approaches people have taken to be successful with money. Here are two ideas:

Don’t spend more emotional capital than you earn. Some psychologists even talk about putting emotional capital in the bank. When we build relationships by paying respect, we build up capital. We can draw on that capital later when we do stupid things and need to. We run into problems when we get overdrawn.

Invest systematically. Putting some money aside frequently and regularly before it can be spent on short-term needs has proven to be one of the most effective tools in building financial security. Why not set some time aside – frequently and regularly – to invest in and build relationships before the time is spent on short-term needs?

Think about what is really important for you. Then consider how to invest your resources – your time, money, energy, skills, relationships, and passions – to achieve your goals. Let me know how I can help you in your journey.